Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg- Huge Disappointment

I am always skeptical about books written by celebrities. Usually, I do not buy books which became bestsellers because of author’s well-known name and expensive promotion campaign rather than its value. Lean In is another book proving my theory. It was good decision to borrow it from company library rather than to buy it. Big disappointment…                                   

Lean In is about need for social and structural changes to fights against inequality between men and women in a workplace. Sheryl Sandberg tells women to change their behavior and to believe in themselves, if they want to succeed in their professional life.

While Lean In is very readable book and includes references to many important studies on women in work market, it has serious flaws and does not deserve the praise it gets. Despite Sandberg’s position, experience and knowledge she did not succeed with this publication. What she offers is self-gratification and call for social and structural changes without suggestions how to introduce them. She created a long list of “we should”, “we must”, “we can” without explaining how to change people’s behaviors. I guess many of us have long list of should- be- done things, but we do not become best-selling authors. Sandberg became one because of her celebrity status. I could not believe when I was reading review of Lean In in one of “reputable” newspapers; the author was praising Sandberg like she was a writer of the decade!

She graduated from Harvard, worked for American government, then for Google, and currently she is a chief operating officer of Facebook. She says she wants to transform the role of women in the workplace. With all due respect, what does she know about situation of average woman in the workplace? Does she have any idea what life looks like when you are not graduated from Harvard, you do not have millions on your bank account, and you do not work for Google Schmoogle or Facebook? There is a huge rift between her, the privileged and rich, and women around the world who need to fight like lions to succeed in their lives. Sandberg reveals that she got admitted to Harvard not because of her intellect but personality. Well, maybe her personality made her successful at Harvard but it did not help her to write avaluable book.

For me, Lean In is about Sandberg’s privileged and fabulous life, perfect husband, and prestigious companies she have worked for. She did not meet my expectations, she was not even close to that. How she wants to change the workplace for women, while she is unable to offer any practical advice for working women? Sure we “should”, “must” and “can” a lot but the question is how to do this???

What really surprised me is that she never mentioned how she became such a successful woman. When I was reading the book I was thinking that her life was so easy: she got to Harvard, then worked for government, Google and Facebook. Why she did tell us about her struggle? What was her way to do all of this? Or, maybe it is all about being privileged. You get everything so easily and then you cannot even explain your fight because there wasn’t any fight actually. Maybe that is why the book lacks of depth; it is just simply superficial.

I believe she has good intentions and vision of change but she does not have the slightest idea how to introduce the social and structural changes into life.

I want Sandberg to consider all reviews and comments and rewrite the book after few years. If she really wants to transform workplace for women so instead of making long list of wishes, she should propose the solutions. So many women admire and respect her, she should not disappoint them.

And a few words as a conclusion. What is really annoying is that there are so many female writers who actually have something important to say and they do not get enough attention. We live in the world of celebrities, where nobody cares about those who are wise and smart. People cherish what is shallow and what doesn’t have any value. Actually, it is not annoying, it is pathetic.

Desert Royal

All three books in Princess Sequel are shocking, thought provoking and fascinating. However, Desert Royal is the weakest one. The proverb the appetite grows with what it feeds on describes so well my experience with Jean Sasson’s work. I expected Desert Royal to be at least as good as Princess and Daughters of Arabia, but what the author offered was disappointing melting pot of various stories…Jean Sasson did not satisfy my booklover’s appetite this time.       

Despite my feelings about the quality of the third book, I deeply appreciate the author for revealing cases of appalling brutality against women in Saudi Arabia. She broke salience on unbelievable suffering that still so many women experience in their lives. In Desert Royal, through Jean Sasson, Sultana tells about another case of forced marriage. This time, her heartless brother Ali, married his own daughter to…Hadi!!!!! Yes, yes, the same obnoxious Hadi, who raped eight-year-old girl in Egypt in first book of the sequel.  Although he was trained to become mutawwa, according to Sultana he “had absorbed none of the goodness called for in Holy Koran”. Young and shy Munira, who decided to become a social worker and assist the handicapped, was forced by Ali to marry an evil man, a hater of the female gender. There are no words to describe how I feel about men like Ali, who do not deserve to be considered human being.

I also truly appreciate that Jean Sasson raised the subject of intermarriages between non- Muslim women and Saudi men and situation of kidnapped children. Another important issue discussed in this book was using women and children as sex slaves.

The author had interesting ideas for Princess and Daughters of Arabia. The first described childhood and the beginning of Sultana’s adult life, and the later focused on her three children. Desert Royal lacks any focus. It is a melting pot of various stories, as though the author did not have any specific idea for third book. I would even say that Jean Sasson forced herself to write it. Frankly speaking, I expected third book to be about Sultana’s actual “fight for woman’s rights”. In fact, only at the end of the third book we read about creating “Sultana’s circle” for the reason that her own nephew brought sex slave from Pakistan and brutally raped her during family trip.

The most pathetic thing about Sultana is that she actually wasted whole her life on complaining, crying and buying expensive clothes. It was not Sultana but her son Abdullah who took the matters into his own hands and started to support poor families in Pakistan. Sultana would not be herself if she did not put herself in the centre of the universe: “my legacy of assisting women will shine through my son.” What kind of legacy she was talking about? I am waiting somebody to explain me what was Sultana’s legacy of fighting for women’s rights.

There was one scene that engraved in my memory… Sultana travelled with her husband and her sisters to New York, where she “could take pleasure in the freedom for women that she saw all around her”, and where Saudi religious police would not appear with their sticks to strike any woman wearing in “immoral” way. So they took off their vails, dressed up and then they were walking through Manhattan. I immediately reminded scenes from Sex and the City, in which Carrie Bradshaw and her friends were getting-together on the streets of New York.  In Sultana case, it was Sex and the City a la Arabia.

Although Desert Royal disappointed me deeply, I still think that Princess Sequel is very much worth reading. Especially now when whole world has watched historic elections in Saudi Arabia with great curiosity.

Daughters of Arabia

Here we are again in the world of Princess Sultana. In Daughters of Arabia Sultana shifted the focus from brutal treatment of women to the lives of her children: Abdullah, Maha and Amani. Through their lives we understand how the atrocities on women determine choices and preferences of girls in Saudi Arabia.                                                                                                         

Although Maha was loved by her parents, she experienced discrimination in the world outside the wall. In consequence of restrictions on women and lack of freedom of speech, Maha suffered mental breakdown. She could not accept the inferior position of women and brutality of men. Sultana and Kareem decided that Maha should undergo treatment at mental institution in London, where other Saudi women used to seek help. Apparently there were more women who were unable to bear their lives in Saudi Arabia. Eventually, Maha revealed to her doctor that “men were her enemies, and that women were her friends”. In other words, Maha and her best friend, Aisha, were lovers. The question Maha asked Sultana illustrates what was bothering that young girl: “how can I ever love a man, knowing all that I know of their nature?”

Amani had been perfect child till she started to expose fanatical behaviours. Sultana and Kareem were terrified with Amani’s fanatism but in fact they did nothing to stop it. Their daughter continued to meet with her religious friends and discuss overthrowing the King. Amani’s preferences show that she went from one extreme to another. She loved animals very much so her parents organized small zoo in their garden to make her happy. Then during Haj to Makkah, religious atmosphere changed her perception of faith and she embraced extremist convictions.

The son of Sultana, Abdullah, was nothing like most of Saudi boys. He believed in freedom and equality of women. Moreover, he helped his friend to escape with beloved girlfriend. He claimed that he ‘administered justice’ by helping two people who wanted to spend life together.

Sultana’s husband, Kareem, became even more progressive and open- minded than he had been before. He loved his two daughters as much as he loved his son, which is not common among Saudi men. He was also very understanding and patient with Sultana, but when she crossed the line he told her that in some day she would be ‘committed to an institution for the insane’.

I would like to focus more on Sultana, who again proved to be spoiled princess that saw only hub of her nose. She never took responsibility for her actions, arguing that men were to blame for her problems. To be honest, after getting through Daughters of Arabia there was nothing that I liked about Sultana. How somebody could feel sympathy for her? She only cared about expensive jewels and she had no consideration for people around her. Her laughing like insane when two men died in Makkah, and treating her cousin with mace to protect her necklace illustrate what kind of person Sultana was. When daughter of Kareem’s business partner escaped with ‘penniless’ Palestinian refugee, traumatised Sultana asked Kareem: ‘How did this happen?’ Moreover, Sultana got terrified by thought that Amani would sell her jewels and donate all money for the need. Sultana claimed that they were generous enough and she did not see what else she could do. She felt ‘depressed and unappreciated’ and was wondering about Amani: ‘…was her true desire to turn our family into beggars, like those who had benefited from our great wealth?’ Apparently according to Sultana, her life would take a turn for worse because of loss of a few millions. Regardless my feelings about Sultana, I feel compassion for women she described.

Another problem with Sultana was that she continued to talk about herself as an advocate for women’s rights, as somebody who was actively working to change women’s existence. Sultana claimed to fight against atrocities on women: ‘I had struggle diligently against from the moment of understanding’. Neither Princess nor Daughters of Arabia provide evidences of Sultana’s struggle.

Blindness of Sultana on the royal family and the King’s rule was simply ridiculous in this book. Sultana claimed that Saudi King did not have options to advance and change his country, that the King could not do anything without consent of Saudi clerics. She praised men of royal family because they provided substantial lifestyle to ordinary Saudi citizens. Sultana also claimed that:  ‘Many people, Muslims and Christians alike, despise Saudi for their unearned wealth’. In my humble opinion, there is nothing to be jealous of… At some moment, I simply could not stand her unbelievable ignorance.

I noticed a few inconsistencies in this book. First, Sultana said that Kareem was unable to commit violence. However, in Princess she described how Kareem hit her in her face while she was fighting with his mother. Second, when the family found out about her book, Kareem was outraged that Sultana revealed the story of his ‘weekly adventure of sex with strangers’ and venereal disease. In the version of Princess that I have there was not thread like that. Third, while Abdullah was the eldest child, at the end of the book Sultana said that Maha was the eldest one.

 In overall, I must acknowledge that Daughters of Arabia is fascinating book and reading it was a great pleasure. While Princess made me cry and deprived of sleep, Daughters of Arabia made me laugh. The story is written in highly readable and enjoyable manner. For non-native speaker like me, the book is very approachable.